Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
