Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
