I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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