I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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