Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So many bounce houses so little time
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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