don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
