Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
