I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
