just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
