I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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