Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
