i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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