P.S. I can't hear my feet
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
