Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
