She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
