4 words: hood of his car
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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