Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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