p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
