If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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