i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
