That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
