Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Randomize
