The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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