I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
