Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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