Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
