The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
