He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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