Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
4 words: hood of his car
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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