Farmville is her only friend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
