I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
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Do I have a choice?
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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