i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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