Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
