; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
