Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
