I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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