Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
