Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
nutella sex= disaster
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
