please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
