I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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