Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
