In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize