i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
