So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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