His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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