can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
