your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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