The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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