Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nutella sex= disaster
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
