It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
