opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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