So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
