I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
