you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ladies don't puke and tell
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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