this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
