Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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