There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
