I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
