if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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