I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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