Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I touched a dick in church today
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
