this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
