Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I love you. Go after that dick
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
