Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
