fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
