Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
