you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
